


Setting Sail, or, The One Where Kurt and Blaine Get Drunk, Get Married, and Commandeer a Boat

by spinmybowtie



Series: Klaine Bingo Prompt Fills [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Accidental Marriage, Drunk Sex, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 05:35:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4379255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinmybowtie/pseuds/spinmybowtie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by this: (847) I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Setting Sail, or, The One Where Kurt and Blaine Get Drunk, Get Married, and Commandeer a Boat

**Author's Note:**

> Klaine Bingo Fic Prompt #2: Accidental Marriage, light R

The first thing Kurt notices when he wakes up is that he is most definitely not at his hotel. He isn’t even _indoors_.

The sun isn’t bright enough to be completely blinding, but he’s squinting against it while he takes a couple minutes to transition to a fully awake state of consciousness. He’s a little sweaty, and the light breeze that passes by would normally feel wonderful, if it wasn’t also making him realize that he’s not wearing a shirt or shoes. Or pants.

_Oh god._

He starts to sit up but quickly decides that is a _terrible_ idea, because his head is throbbing so badly it may actually dislodge from his neck and run off to live with someone who will treat it with more kindness. He tries to lay back down, but that makes it even worse. There’s no pillow, just a hard surface that feels like it’s jabbing directly at his brain. Kurt blinks his eyes a few times and rubs them for longer than necessary, and then gingerly turns his head so he can try to figure out where the hell he is.

There’s a large pole sticking up a few feet away, and when he turns to the other side, he sees a wheel. By using his amazing powers of deduction, Kurt realizes that he’s on a boat, but thankfully, the boat doesn’t seem to be moving.

A groan nearby startles him, and he’s just awake enough to roll onto his side and slowly lift himself back up to a sitting position.

To add to the various surprises of the morning, he apparently isn’t sailing alone. Slumped against the side of the boat, stark naked except for a life jacket, is another man. Even in his hangover-induced delirium, Kurt can see that the man is extremely attractive. His hair is surprisingly tame under a thick layer of gel, he has nice arms, and his lips look very kissable, even with some slight chapping and bit of drool at the corners. He crawls over to him, wincing at the unpleasant lurch is stomach makes, and pushes on the mystery man’s shoulder.

“Hey, wake up,” Kurt says, and his voice sounds terrible. He clears his throat and tries again. “Okay, it’s wake up time, come on.”

The man’s eyes flutter open and he squints at Kurt. “Who’re you?”

“Kurt.“ The man scrunches up his face in thought, and Kurt can sympathize. It’s much too early in the morning to be meeting new people. "And you are?”

“Blaine. I think.” He stretches his arms over his head, and that seems to alert him to his lack of clothing. He is quick to cover himself with his hands, blushing and avoiding eye contact.

Kurt feels a little bad for him, since he was at least still wearing underwear.

“Why are we on a boat? Are we out to sea?” Blaine asks.

Kurt kneels up and peeks over the side of the boat. He sees trees and houses, and cars parked along a quiet street. He does not, however, see any trace of water.

If it happened to anyone else, this would be the point where Kurt would burst out laughing and not stop until his stomach hurt and tears were pouring down his face. However, it is happening to him, so it’s just plain embarrassing. He drops back down and situates himself next to Blaine, who is cupping his twinkle tube with one hand and trying to hold the life jacket together with the other.

“Nope. Not out to sea,” Kurt says. “Not even in the water.”

“Wha – “

“We’re parked in a driveway, Blaine. In front of someone’s house.”

“Oh.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes, trying to process their situation. Well, Kurt is processing, anyway. Blaine is just kind of sitting there, looking a bit disappointed.

“Maybe we should find our clothes?” Kurt says, and Blaine gestures for him to go first with the hand not holding his junk. Kurt spots his pants on the other end of the boat and manages to half crawl, half knee walk over to retrieve them. On his way, he sees an open condom wrapper, which doesn’t surprise him considering their current states of undress. At least they were safe.

Kurt hears Blaine grunting behind him and looks back to see him struggling with his own pants, flopping around on the floor with his feet in the air. He still has the damn life jacket on.

After finding his shirt and pulling it on, Kurt starts to really think about how they got onto a stranger’s boat in the first place. He checks his pockets and is happy to find his phone – the battery is dead, of course – and his wallet. He also pulls out a folded piece of paper.

Kurt opens it up and scans it, and if he wasn’t already sitting down, he would have fallen over as soon as he saw what it was.

“Blaine…”

“Yeah?” Blaine is now sitting on the life jacket, which is an improvement, and he is going through his pockets as well. That’s when Kurt sees it: a silver band on Blaine’s left hand.

“Blaine, you’re not going to believe this.” Kurt moves back over to where Blaine is sitting and hands him the paper. “We got married.”

Blaine looks from the paper to Kurt, then down to the paper again, eyes wide with disbelief. “We’re married?”

Kurt’s head feels like it’s going to explode. How the hell will he explain this to his family? He lifts up his left hand and sees that it’s bare. He didn’t even get a ring out of the deal. It figures.

“Well, Blaine, it seems like we had quite a night.”

Kurt tries to think back to the last place he remembers going. He and Rachel took a road trip across the state to Niagara Falls, and when they arrived, they checked in to their hotel and went out sightseeing. Afterward, they grabbed some dinner and found a bar, where there did a few rounds of karaoke. They weren’t alone at that point, though. They made a couple friends, and Blaine was one of them.

The rest of the night slowly starts to come back into focus.

~^*^~

**_Eight Hours Earlier_ **

“Kurt, Kurt, hey Kurt.”

“Blaine. I’m right next to you, oh my god, what?”

Blaine dissolves in a fit of giggles, pushing against Kurt’s side as they stumble along the sidewalk toward a significantly less crowded area.

“We’re married,” Blaine whispers, and then starts to laugh again. This time, Kurt joins in because it’s so true. They are totally married and it’s _awesome_.

Yeah, maybe he’s only known Blaine for about four hours, but it’s true love, he can tell. Besides, Blaine is really, really cute. And he can sing really well. Cute boys that can sing really well are Kurt’s favorite.

“Where are we going? Can we go swimming, Kurt? I wanna go swimming.”

“No, silly, if we go in the water, we’ll die, remember? There’s a waterfall.”

“Oh, yeah,” Blaine’s face falls for a brief moment, but then he’s grinning again. “We won’t die if we have a boat! Let’s find a boat!”

Kurt feels like he made a great life decision by marrying Blaine, because Blaine is smart and he has ambitions. They turn down a side street and then, as if fate was shining down upon them, they saw it.

“Look, Kurt, do you see it? It’s a boat!”

The boat was parked in front of someone’s house, but that’s no big deal. It’s way past midnight, so they’re not bothering anyone. They’re also a little lost, but they have each other so it’s okay.

Blaine grabs his hand and pulls him down the sidewalk until they’re standing next to the boat. “This is a good boat, Kurt. We should try it out.”

Kurt smiles and nods enthusiastically, which makes him feel even more drunk than he actually is. It’s not like he could disagree, anyway. Blaine has really pretty eyes and they are mighty convincing. “Do you even know how to drive a boat?”

“Of course I do,” Blaine says, as if Kurt should have known this information already. He walks around the side of the boat to find the ladder, and then hoists himself up over the side. He looks down at Kurt and waves for him to join him. Of course, Kurt isn’t going to say no when his gorgeous new husband invites him on a really nice boat.

He pulls himself up and loses his balance once he’s over the side, but Blaine is there to catch him.

“Welcome to my vessel, good sir,” Blaine says, bowing dramatically. “I’m your host for the evening. You may call me Captain Husband.”

Kurt giggles and throws his arms around Blaine’s neck. He kisses him, because _they’re married_ and that’s what married people do. Then he remembers that married people do other stuff too, and he’s totally down for that.

He’s not sure how they manage it without hurting themselves, but they end up on the floor of the boat, clothes flying in every direction. Blaine’s mouth is all over him and it feels fantastic, the pleasant buzz from a night of drinks and laughter amplifying every kiss and touch of Blaine’s hands. They roll around for a while, and thankfully, Kurt has the wherewithal to grab a condom from his wallet before they get too crazy.

Not much later, they’re sweaty and spent and very naked, and they decide to explore the boat, vowing to leave everything the way they found it. Blaine finds the life jackets and insists on wearing one, saying, “Safety first, Kurt! Even a parked boat is dangerous. Everyone knows that.”

After a while, they get bored with exploring, and Kurt is sleepy anyway. Blaine keeps his life jacket on and sits down against the side of the boat, and Kurt lies back with his head in Blaine’s lap. They talk until they both fall asleep, which doesn’t take very long at all.

~^*^~

**_Present Time_ **

"Oh god, it’s like I met my ‘bad life decisions’ quota all in one night,” Kurt says, covering his face with his hands.

“Let’s get out of here,” Blaine says. “We’ll figure out the rest when we’re not trespassing anymore.”

Kurt nods in agreement and they finish getting dressed in silence, then head down the ladder and away from their commandeered vessel. Kurt hopes that nobody saw them at any point in the night. The last thing he needs is to add being arrested to his list of adventures. 

Blaine’s phone has just enough juice left for them to figure out where they are, which turns out to be about a mile away from Kurt and Rachel’s hotel.

Kurt winces at the reminder of Rachel. He can almost hear her shrieking at him already. Oh, how fun she’ll be when he shows up with a new husband in tow.

Blaine offers to walk him back to the hotel and neither of them say much on the way. Kurt’s head is still throbbing and his mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton balls soaked in fish oil, and he can guess that Blaine isn’t feeling that great, either.

“I can talk to my brother,” Blaine tells him as the hotel comes into view. “He’s been divorced twice already. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind helping us out. With, like, filling out the paperwork and stuff.”

Kurt stares at his feet as they move along the sidewalk, unsure what to say in response. Getting a divorce is certainly the logical thing to do, but then again, he abandoned all logic several hours ago.

From what he remembers, he and Blaine had a great time. They get along well, have amazing vocal chemistry, and they have a lot in common.

 _No_ , Kurt thinks, _We have to get a divorce._

_It would be crazy not to._

_But what if…_

They arrive at the hotel sooner than Kurt expected and suddenly reality is rearing it’s stupid head again. He takes a deep breath and steps toward the door, and then Blaine is taking his hand, squeezing it and giving him a tired, but sweet, smile. They walk inside together.

It makes something stir inside Kurt, and it’s not at all similar to the unpleasant flips his stomach has been making since he woke up. Blaine’s hand is solid and warm and reassuring, and Kurt kind of never wants to let it go. It’s a weird feeling, especially since he knows next to nothing about Blaine, and to have this level of affection toward a complete stranger is insane.

Thankfully, the lecture Rachel is sure to give both of them will probably take a while, so he’ll have plenty of time to sort through the myriad of conflicting thoughts he’s having about the situation.

“Ready to face the music?” Blaine asks, pushing the elevator button with his free hand.

“Yeah. I am,” Kurt says, and something tells him that with Blaine by his side, even Rachel’s wrath won’t be so bad.


End file.
